Monday, June 27, 2011

You know your neighbor is a witch when...

Thirty sure-fire ways to detect paganism without having to resort to a dunking stool or wart-inspection.
1) She never puts any trash out on collection day. I mean, re-cycling and composting is fine, but you can take it too far.
2) All the stray cats in the neighborhood tend to congregate in her garden (and use your own as their litter).
3) Doesn't cut down the weeds in her garden; in fact it looks more like she's cultivating them.
4) Footprints on the roof. And the trees in her flight-path have been pruned down. I swear it's true!
5) She can't even make a simple sandwich without adding fresh herbs to it. And don't ask her for a cup of tea unless you want something yellow colored and smelling of flowers.
6) When you pop next door for a chat, the kettle is always already on.
7) Has a pond full of frogs (and you haven't seen that bothersome double-glazing salesman around for a while).
8) She's always smiling, darn her!
9) Her house always smells of incense.
10) Frequently gets raided by the drug squad who confiscate large amounts of dried green leaves; they always return them with apologies after analysis.
11) Christmas, it seems like half the garden has been moved into the house.
12) You sometimes hear the sound of singing and dancing through the wall. If you look out of the window, it is usually a full moon.
13) She was given a bodhram drum for her birthday. And she plays it at midnight in the fields. And she's got a blasted tambourine.
14) You catch her washing a crystal ball along with the dishes.
15) Irritating tendency to hum a lot. What's she got to be so happy about, huh?
16) She has a tame robin that will eat from her hand in the garden. That can't be natural.
17) Never catches a cold, even though she walks barefoot most of the time. In the snow as well.
18) Doesn't kill spiders. Not even big hairy long-legged ones that suddenly appear from the waste-pipe whilst you're having a bath.
19) She listens to what you are saying like she really cares.
20) She has lots of female friends who come round every few months. When you ask what they get up to, she tells you that they just have cakes and ale and a good natter.
21) You catch her hugging a tree.
22) She has a mail-order account with a semi-precious gem wholesaler.
23) She makes jars of quince and mandrake relish for the Women's Institute coffee morning jumble sale.
24) You ask to borrow a pack of cards for an impromptu bridge evening, and there are 78 in the pack.
25) You ask her for suggestions for nice walks in the area, and they all go by way of stone circles and strange earth mounds.
26) There aren't any mirrors in her house. Or clocks.
27) The garden doesn't only bloom in daylight.
28) When she says her house is protected by fairies, you believe her.
29) The Jehovah's Witnesses never call (not anymore; not after the last time :-).
30) Keeps the local scented-candle shop solvent.

4 lovely people said:

Cathy and Steve said...

Too funny! (You've been spying on me again, I see!)

Summer said...

lol, Cathy! It's that whole second sight thing;)

Cat C-B said...

Wait--some people make sandwiches without adding fresh herbs? F'real?

Summer said...

I've heard of them, Cat... they're the scary folks who stick to Jiffy and Smuckers, or American cheese. *shudder* ;) Thanks for stopping by!

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